Is This Your Classroom Behavior Reality?

You’re repeating yourself all day, and it feels like nothing’s changing. Students are blurting out all the time, and you can barely breathe without interruptions. You’ve tried prizes, punishments, parent notes, and every other behavior trick—but nothing sticks. Or if it does, it doesn’t last. It’s like a never-ending cycle of chaos every time you turn your back.

Every six weeks, it feels like you're starting all over again, with students who have no clue what’s going on. Does this sound familiar?

Classroom behavior issues are exhausting 

If this is you, you're probably feeling drained, frustrated, and maybe even a little defeated. You don't even have time to teach a class because with every sentence, you're thrown off track by blurting, grabbing, or some other off-task behavior. It’s no wonder you're so exhausted!

But here's the thing: You’re not alone, and what you’re experiencing isn’t just you. It’s the system.

Why the Traditional Teaching System Sets You Up to Fail

Think back on those distracting behaviors. How often did these disruptions happen during a whole-class lesson? In many classrooms, the traditional teaching system relies heavily on teacher-centered instruction and whole-class lessons. 

There are a lot of historical reasons why teacher-centered education has been the approach of choice for decades, but that's not what we’re talking about today. No matter how we got to this point, the truth according to the system is, everything falls on YOU:

• Test scores… you
  
• Kids’ behavior… you
  
• Kids’ emotional well-being… you
  
• Your colleagues’ emotional states… you
  
• After-school activities… you
  
• Curriculum… you
  
• The state of education… you
  

Is it any wonder you feel completely drained and overwhelmed? You have been conditioned to think you should control it all. But here's the big secret: You can't—and you're not supposed to!

What I Learned From Trying to Control My Classroom 

It was my 3rd year of teaching, and I was in the middle of our pilot Daily Concept Builders program. We were showing teachers how to build a solid classroom culture using a daily morning meeting, and it was such a powerful experience! Showing up to teach other teachers every week really made me confront what I was doing as a teacher.

So, I was in the middle of doing a fun and engaging lesson for my Kindergarten class, that I of course thought was just fantastic. As I was teaching, I noticed the chatting. I corrected a couple kids and kept going. Then more chatting. I corrected a few more kids. By the third time, I was DONE with the chatting.

I violently halted what I was doing and gave the kids a big speech on respect and paying attention and it was then I realized, my frustration wasn’t with them. My frustration was with the fact that I was trying to teach as much as I possibly could in a tiny amount of time, and these little Kindergarteners were keeping me from doing that. I wanted to control their behavior. I wanted to control their learning. I didn’t want my admin to think I was a terrible teacher. And then I realized, I can’t control any of that.

Let’s Let Go of What You Can’t Control

Ready for a shift? Let’s take a deep breath and release the things that aren’t your responsibility:

Test scores… not YOU

“Test scores.” Seems to be the song ringing in our ears every moment of every day. It’s how many teachers are evaluated, but at the end of the day, it’s really out of your control. You can deliver the information, but it’s up to your students to take responsibility for their success rather than just circling “C” for everything.

That’s why year after year, research tells us that students with low test scores keep getting low test scores. Google it and you’ll see what I’m talking about. It isn’t the teacher that’s the problem. It’s up to the student. So why do we keep firing all this content at kids that are completely checked out, hoping they will do better on the test? We have to think differently!

Kids’ behavior issues… not YOU

Again, what is one of the primary areas you get evaluated on? Behavior! So how could I be saying that behavior issues aren’t on you. Because the truth is, you can’t make your students do anything. You can guide them, and create a culture in your classroom that compels them, but the behaviors are ultimately their choice.

This is why typical reward-and-punishment classroom management approaches only work for so long, and never work for all students. Some kids just don’t care about any reward or punishment you can offer. Not to mention, with these strategies the responsibility for classroom behavior is entirely on you. If you turn your back for just a moment, pause for a breath, or forget to reprimand a student, their behavior can spiral. It's exhausting and unsustainable!

Parent and Admin opinions of you…not YOU

This one is tough to swallow, and one I still struggle with. After all, if we’re not doing well on evaluations or our parents are complaining about us, it begins to feel like we’re not really doing our job right. But here’s the problem with that. You don’t control others’ opinions.

If you’ve never had that tricky parent or tricky admin that is impossible to please, I am more than thrilled for you! I hope you never have to experience this. But for most of us, we’ve had either one or both. That person who makes you feel like you never knew what teaching was in the first place. You kill yourself trying to make them happy and they never are.

So stop killing yourself. There is a better way to measure your success, and if you’re feeling this right now, I promise you that you’re doing way better than you think.

Here’s what you can control when it comes to classroom behavior

Your classroom culture is the most powerful weapon you can use against classroom behavior issues. The struggle most teachers run into, is that they’re not quite sure what a classroom culture is. 

Let’s start with some of the misconceptions of classroom culture

Classroom culture is not a set of rules, a collection of consequences, or a reward system with points and prizes. Those things are tools to support your classroom culture, but they are not the culture itself. Classroom culture isn’t even an intricate system of SEL buzzwords that everyone says over and over. Don’t get me wrong, social emotional learning is great when it’s used correctly. But SEL isn’t even the center of your classroom culture.

So what is classroom culture?

Think of classroom culture as the invisible structure that supports everything else. It shapes how students interact, how conflicts are resolved, and how learning gets done. You can have the most well-designed behavior management plan, but if the culture is off—if students don’t feel seen or heard—it will always feel like an uphill battle. 

Here’s how your classroom culture makes students feel seen and heard

Students in your classroom culture feel seen and heard because they are. In your classroom culture, everyone has a voice, everyone feels safe, and everyone works together. Now, here’s the secret sauce that a lot of teachers in our programs miss: Everyone isn’t just your students. It includes you. 

Think about your classroom. I’m willing to bet that right now, your students are one of these: 

• Super clingy, always wanting to help, never doing anything independently
• Super defiant, arguing with you all the time
• Completely checked out

By including yourself as “everyone” in your classroom culture, you shift your role from scary authoritarian to trustworthy leader. Even if you’re the nicest person in the world, some students will fear you just because you’re a teacher. And if they don’t fear you, they will resent you as an authority figure. 

Here’s how you build a classroom culture that works for everyone

Let go of what you can’t control

The truth is, the weight of the entire system was never meant to fall on your shoulders. You don’t have to be the behavior police, the emotional lifeline, the motivational speaker, and the miracle worker—all at once. Instead of trying to control everything, shift your energy toward creating a classroom culture that works for everyone—including you. 

Classroom culture is not about control, compliance, or perfection. It’s not about having quiet students who never blurt or make a mistake. We teach kids, and that’s impossible. And when you try to achieve that, all it does is drain you. Then the thing that you want least in the world happens, you have a silent classroom filled with kids who are scared, insecure, and don’t trust you. No good teacher wants that!

Trust the metrics that matter

Determine what you believe success looks like in your classroom. Is it students helping each other? Is it students raising their hands who don’t normally raise their hands? Is it lightbulb moments from that student that you felt like you just couldn’t reach? Whatever it is for you, write it down! Then, when you’re feeling discouraged, you know how you can actually measure your success.

Build your classroom culture using metrics that matter

When your classroom culture is built on trust, shared responsibility, and emotional safety, students learn to lead themselves. That’s when behavior starts to shift and learning freaking happens! It’s absolutely magic and it’s not because you’re constantly correcting behaviors. It’s because the culture itself doesn’t allow for anything less. You can build a space where students feel empowered, you feel supported, and the chaos finally quiets. You deserve that. And it’s possible.

Get yourself started by joining the waitlist for our Active Learning Membership that guides you step-by-step through building a classroom culture foundation to empower yourself and your students for better learning.